No Dumping!

No Dumping!

Well, here we are February 1st – which means that we are less than two weeks away from that day that, arguably, singletons the world over D R E A D the most…

So why don’t you let Auntie Thea tell you a wee story  and play a video to make you feel better…(hopefully).

I spent my weekend making a video for a song that’s the epitome of a break-up anthem, and is twenty years old this year! It comes from my (second) favorite Irish band of all time – A HOUSE – fronted by the amazing, quirky genius that is Dave Couse…

In 1990, the band released I WANT TOO MUCH and I was at a Northern Californian university playing it over-and-over-and-over.

Also at that time, I was experiencing my first, true “love” with a darling guy called Dave. We were each other’s “firsts” and I am so glad that he was. There is no one else in the world I’d have wanted to be my “first”.

But as the summer came upon us, I went back home to my dad’s and he stayed on campus. While away, I started to develop a crush on another guy called Eric. I, (possibly somewhat erroneously), thought that if I was developing a crush on another guy, my feelings of Dave couldn’t be that strong.

So, yes, I “dumped” him.

Truth be told, I regretted it by week’s end, but by then it was too late. He had gone back to the girl he dated before me (and if I’m not mistaken, he later married her!)

So that was one way he got back at me for doing what I did to him…but perhaps the more interesting way was that he sent me a cassette tape in the mail with one whole side playing just one track – A House’s “I Give You You”.

Ouch!! (You’ll see what I mean – if you watch the video below)…

Twenty years and half a dozen heartbreaks later, I’m reminded of that time which marked the beginning of my adult relationships journey.

What have I learned? Honestly, I don’t know…The more I grow and learn the less I really know. I am by-no-means an “expert” on relationships – but I do feel extremely qualified as an expert on heartbreak. (‘Been there, seen that, done that, and launched the website to prove it!)

By now, I know the drill. I know it passes – like everything does. And I know that Nietzsche was right – “that which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger”. (So by all intents and purposes I ought to be strong as an ox by now…)

Perhaps the most disheartening thing is that I’ve been reading through a decade of journals of late and come to realise that, in some ways, I just don’t seem to be improving. Nope, I’m not getting any better at this relationships lark…

I keep making the same choices (and mistakes) and expecting different results. What’s that I hear you say?

“Isn’t that the definition of insanity, Thea?”

Yes, sadly it is…

All of my relationships teach me things – some more than others. I am grateful for all of them regardless of their outcome.

But really I am getting a little tired of the lessons…

Why is it so hard for some of us to connect with someone on a deep level, bring out the best in each other, enjoy each other’s company, commit wholeheartedly to the process (of a relationship)

And yet, for other people, it all seems so easy? They meet, fall in love, get together, stay together, have families (or not)?

It’s a classic case of the haves and the have nots…

(NOTE: In all honestly, I know less than a handful of long term committed relationships that are in fact enviable)

Personally, I feel that all this relationship stuff only seems to get more challenging the older we get…and the more baggage each of us accrues, but then perhaps perspective is just a mirror not a fact?

I had a great meeting about the SO YOU’VE BEEN DUMPED movie last week with a super talented producer, and I admitted, almost sheepishly, that the longest relationship I’ve had has been with this website.

A blessing and a curse.

In fact, as we’re ten this year (!) – it’s a longer relationship than all my romantic relationships combined.

Coincidence? I think not…

Does that mean I will need to let go of the website to have a relationship? I’m not sure,  but it’s certainly one of the themes we’re contemplating in the documentary.

Here I sit, day in and day out, watching people through their most painful time, encouraging them on their journey. I see them heal and move on and yet,  for me it’s the same way it always was. Ten years on in the same place. A L O N E.

Sure I’ve had romantic dabbling and dalliances over the years, but I never do seem to get that close to meeting and connecting with someone who I want to share the rest of my life with or who wants to share theirs with me…

At times, if I am being honest with you, I wonder if I ever will,…

Maybe some people are just meant to be alone? I don’t know…

So anyway, on a whim this past weekend, I decided to make a wee video for anyone who’s ever been dumped by someone they loved. For anyone who has given their whole heart and ended up (seemingly) with nothing. For anyone who’s ever felt abandoned, disappointed, hurt, used, taken for granted, betrayed and dare I say, BITTER about a situation….This one’s for you!

I also dedicate this video to Dave Couse, the frontman of A House – who is in my humble opinion one of the most under-rated song writers in the world. He’s an utter genius and maybe this video will cause a resurgence in A House record sales? Who knows?

All I can tell you is that it brought back some BITTER SWEET memories for me this weekend. I hope Dave is happy wherever he is and that  he has forgiven me and is able to remember our eight-month relationship in as beautiful of a way as I do…

Enjoy this Singleton’s Anthem whoever you are.

To you, “I Give You You”…

If you like the video – forward it onto your friends, your ex, your colleagues or anyone you think it might help…Please tweet, post it on your Facebook profile and MySpace or anywhere you have a presence….I’d really appreciate it. Let’s help the singletons of the world at this trying time ;)