soyouvebeendumped.com

Back in November, I started a series about things I’ve been learning from running the web’s longest-running break-up portal. Lesson 1 was that there is no good way to dump.  For today’s post, I thought I’d add a few more of what I’ve personally learned having this unique opportunity to see the human condition up close personal, and to realise just how universal emotions are.

1) PEOPLE DUMP & CHEAT

Men dump. Women dump. Men cheat. Women cheat.  It’s not a gender thing – it’s a people thing.

Quite often when people log onto SYBD they’re in that “all men are bastards” or “all women are bitches” stage – because they’ve just been hurt by someone they really loved. They’re betrayed. They’re gutted, bereft and often angry, thus there is a tendency to tar a specific gender with one, fell swoop of that stereotype brush.

While it’s common and it can certainly FEEL like it’s the case, really it’s not accurate. Yes, there are men who are bastards and women who are bitches – but not all of either should be defined that way. Again it’s a people thing not a gender thing. I find myself asserting that to the lovelorn on a regular basis.

So You’ve Been Dumped is a perfect exception to the rule. There is an amazing, generous, empathetic, loyal, faithful, benevolent mix of men and women post in our ex-change (the forum). Once people log on and start connecting in there, I believe that even those in the most bitterest of modes soon see that their stereo ype is in fact erroneous. I also believe it restores their faith in people. I hope that is the case at any rate.

After nearly ten years of running soyouvebeendumped.com it certainly has shown me that heartbreak knows no bounds or barriers. It is an equal opportunity ailment. Gay/straight, young/old, and male/female – the hurt, pain and rejection associated with a break up is totally universal the world over.

Another thing I’ve learned over the years is that….

2) BREAK UPS HAPPEN TO THE BEST OF US

Most of us go through at least one break up in  our lives (some of us several) and no one is immune to heartbreak.

I’ve often said it is a little like getting robbed…We never think it will happen to us – and then,…it does.

Sometimes even the most seemingly-secure relationships don’t work out in the long term.

Haven’t we all known couples we thought seemed so perfect. They seemed so happy, so in love, so respectful of each other and still they couldn’t go the distance.

The trick when it happens to us is to not feel like a failure (the most common reaction to a break up). Losing your relationship does not a loser make.

It doesn’t mean you’re not wonderful, attractive and worth while just because one person decided they no longer want to be with you. Of course, most of us experience a loss of self-esteem when we lose our relationship.

It can be challenging to not lose at least a little, but really break ups happen to the best of us…Hollywood mega stars, rock stars, doctors, nurses, students, garbage truck drivers, cops, everyone.

Heck, some of the coolest, most-wonderful, interesting, self-aware people I know are divorced or have lost long-term, committed relationships. In fact most people I know have been through a break up. Very few people I’ve ever met have avoided being dumped or cheated on. Sadly, it seems to be the norm rather than the exception.

So if it’s just happened to you – join the club. You’re in good company. Now, go find a way to turn this pain into gain.