7 Things to Remember After a Breakup
1) You Are Not Alone
I want you to know that you’re not alone.
It may feel like it at times but you are not the only one going through this, or who’s ever been through this.
Every minute of every day someone is getting left behind by someone they still love.
Finding a safe place to share your story, or reading other people’s, will make you feel less alone.
Read the encouraging words of others on here or offer them yourself – when you feel emotionally able.
So You’ve Been Dumped is all about people helping people. A shared experience where everyone here is going through what you are (though at different stages).
2) You Will Be Happy Again
You will be happy again – if you want to be.
Breakups happen to most of us at some point in our lives. When relationships end, it can feel like you’ll be lonely, hurt, angry and sad F O R E V E R.
In my experience, few people never get over it. Those who don’t – have made being stuck – a sort of life choice – and end up being victims.
Some victims choose to hold on to the hurt and bitterness. A victim constantly justifies how “right” they are, and how bad or unfairly they were treated. They could be spending that valuable time and energy on healing, letting go and moving on.
If you want to be happy and love again, I believe wholeheartedly you can and will. It’s down to you (and maybe a bit of help from a professional!)
3) You’re Still Loveable
If there is one thing a breakup or divorce can do to us – it’s make us feel as though we’re unworthy of love. We can often end up feeling inadequate or like a failure who no one will ever love again.
Similar to my last point, I believe it’s ultimately down to you. If you work on questioning those thoughts and commit to being open to love – I believe you will love again. I can’t say “when”, but I can say, you’re more likely to love, if you believe you are loveable and if you welcome it.
Just because one person has said they no longer want to be in a relationship with you – doesn’t mean no one ever will.
You are worthy of love and belonging. Believe it.
4) You Will Bounce Back
In life we all experience setbacks and upsets. No one will ever get through life without them to some degree.
As Confucius famously said, “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”
Resilience is a skill and it can, and should, be learned. Trust that bad days will eventually become OK. OK days eventually become good again…if you let them.
When you have the dark, hopeless thoughts, go back to a different time when you felt sad, down or depressed and remind yourself that you got through that, and you will get through this.
Instead of continually marinating in misery, remind yourself, “This feels awful, but I know it’s only temporary, this too shall pass”.
Your self talk is so important right now – so make sure you’re saying the right things to yourself.
5) There Is No Race
Whether your ex has left you for someone else, or yet to move on, bear in mind this is not a race.
After a relationship ends, it’s not a case of one person wins and the other one loses.
I know it’s tempting to want to beat them in the race to coupledom, but that’s an ill-advised race to be running.
Just because someone has moved on to a new relationship, doesn’t mean that they’re over their ex.
When people jump out of one relationship into another, it often means they’re distracting themselves in an attempt to move on (particularly when it’s done right after the relationship ends ).
6) Your Happiness Is Your Responsibility
Whether your ex treated like a king or a queen – or like you meant nothing, it is actually inconsequential.
Your own happiness, your future, and your success, are all down to you and not them.
I have a friend who has an ex…They split up over half-a-dozen years ago and the ex still plays the same broken record – it’s a “Come back and fix my life” type of record.
Even though my friend has been happy, in a new relationship for many years! His, lays the guilt on thick about how sad he is, how unjust life is…Instead of spending all that time (years!) and energy on becoming happy again…What a waste. A choice, no less. You are not responsible for anyone’s happiness but your own. Equally, no one is responsible for yours.
7) Start With Self-Love
Though it is always annoying to hear that we can’t experience love from anyone else until we love ourselves, it’s ultimately a truism.
Be the kind of man or woman anyone will feel lucky to be with
Someone with a full life, someone who is fun, positive, kind, loving, and values themselves…
Love attracts love.
It’s an inside job, so start there.
After a breakup, it may all feel impossible and hopeless, like you’ll never be happy or feel love again, but eventually that too will pass. It will be ok, if you want it to be.
But remember it’s all down to you. Let go. Feel. Deal. Heal. Move on.
Take control of your own life, one moment at a time…Starting now.
Before you go, please share your breakup story on the SYBD forum, the Exchange.