Every now and again we like to take on guest contributors to the SYBD blog. So we are delighted to welcome back our a long time SYBD friend and supporter Christine Webber who is here to talk about the subject of valuing oneself.… Do you value yourself? Read on and enjoy her tips below – I just love them and hope you will too.
Value Yourself – and Make Life Easier
I see a lot of people who are distressed about their relationships. And I also see individuals who have problems at work. Now, the thing is that we can’t guarantee to change other people to make our lives simpler or pleasanter. But we can change ourselves. And often that makes all the difference in difficult situations.
You see, a lot of problems are made worse because we don’t value ourselves enough. And when we don’t, we tend to hang on in damaging or redundant relationships because we lack the confidence to be single.
A lack of appropriate self-regard also makes life harder in the workplace. I’ve known clients who won’t seek promotion because of lack of confidence, or who become the office doormat because they never have the courage to say ‘no’.
If any of the above sounds like you, here’s a little technique I do with my patients that should help.
First of all, write a list of 50 things about yourself that you really like. If you don’t value yourself very highly, this might take ages! But stick at it.
When you have done it, rewrite the list on a series of cards. These should be of a size that you can carry around with you. Put five topics on each card.
A Practical Exercise
- I’m a good friend
- I am a kind person
- I’m a great cook
- I have nice ankles
- I am reliable
Write 5 more good points on every card, till you’ve got a whole set of 10 cards, which you should carry with you at all times.
Twice a day – every day – shuffle your cards, and then read all the good things that you identified about yourself. And if you’re doing something particularly difficult – like going for a job interview, or a first date – read the cards an extra time, just before you embark on this particular challenge. Gradually, by reading and re-reading 50 great things about you, you will become more confident and will develop more positive regard for yourself. When that happens, your life should get much easier.
Christine Webber is a writer, broadcaster and psychotherapist. Over the past thirty years, she has penned 12 non-fiction books, including ‘Get the Happiness Habit’, ‘How to Mend a Broken Heart’ and ‘Too Young to Get Old’. She also writes novels about mid-life to older people and how they can find romance at any age!