When Being Left Turns Out Right
NOTE: If you want you can listen to this post instead of reading it…
If this is your first ever visit to SYBD then a warm welcome.
I’m Thea, the founder and I’ve often exclaimed that “Being dumped was one of the best things that ever happened to me!” Of course it didn’t start out that way. On D-Day – and the weeks and months that followed – I often felt shocked, hurt, sad, confused, scared, angry, vengeful, even sometimes suicidal, and just about every other negative emotion you can possibly imagine.
It took time to process the breakup, to heal and move on to a new chapter my life. I am sure it’s the same for you.
Breakups Work Out For the Highest Good…
One of the biggest lessons that I’ve learned since launching SYBD two decades ago is that breakups usually work out for the proverbial best, eventually.
In other words, it often turns out that getting left behind ends up being the right decision in the long term for both parties!
Most people not only survive losing an ex but they often thrive, in time.
Moving On Takes Different Shapes
In general, after some amount of time, most people move on in wonderful and varied ways. Even people who never thought they’d love again end up in new relationships and sometimes go on to start families.
Being over an ex will mean different things to different people…
What’s really important to convey is that moving on doesn’t necessarily mean to a new relationship. To me, moving on means living a full and happy life.
On the SYBD blog here – and in our forum – I’ve seen thousands of people:
- start businesses
- change careers or jobs
- go back to school/college/university
- travel the world
- move house (state, country and even across the world!)
- start blogs
- write books
- make films
- record albums
- volunteer
- take up new hobbies or sports
…and simply grow and evolve as a direct result of a breakup.
After witnessing thousands of men and women of all ages hit “rock bottom” after a breakup, often having stated that they would “never get over it”, it’s been so rewarding for me to have witnessed so many incredible stories where they did just that.
From the sidelines, even to this day, I’ve seen the new partners come onto the scene, watched them buy houses, get married, achieve degrees and qualifications, launch creative projects, start families and so much more. It’s often awe-inspiring to see just how much life goes on.
How Is Your Life Better After a Breakup?
So I want to hear from anyone (even the ones who did the leaving) who has ever been devastated after a breakup, who struggled and felt like their life was over, only to realise that it turned out to be a good thing. It made way for a new chapter to start.
Please share how you bounced back to something better, and how, with the benefit of hindsight, being left turned out to be “right” for you (and them!) It doesn’t have to be anything major. You don’t need to have topped the NY Times Best Sellers list or won the Nobel Prize. Just share your authentic story of how you went from “it’s over” to “over it”.
I can’t wait to hear your breakup success story.
I am sure it will be helpful and inspiring to anyone who has just been dumped by an ex and who may currently be feeling like they’ll never get over the heartbreak.
You and I both know they will!
Thanks so much.
Love,
Thea
PS: Could you please share this post with anyone you know who is better off because of a breakup.
If you wouldn’t mind us using your story please let me know.
Also if you prefer, feel free to share your story more anonymously use the Exchange forum instead.
Other posts you might enjoy reading:
- Need a laugh? Read/Share breakup lines here.
- For those of you who have something to say to an ex? Say it here now!
- Did you know we’ve started the SYBD podcast?
I first found SYBD in 2004 and became a loyal reader due to my first ever break-up and first ever heartbreak. After being dumped, I was absolutely gutted and needed a place to deal with feelings I’d never experienced before. It was a dark time in my life. I can’t believe that was over 15 years ago! I’m happy to be able to share that it truly gets better and that being dumped was one of the best things to happen to me. Let me back up…
I attribute my success to one rule that Thea often talks about – “No contact”. It was one of the hardest things to do at the time, but as hard as it felt, it felt right. “No contact” became my mantra, my way of life, and used the help of breakup buddies to call on instead of making contact. I believe it helped speed up my recovery a lot.
After I stopped feeling sorry for myself, I decided to take even more positive action. I joined a social sports league. I even jumped out of a plane – I’m petrified of heights and by going skydiving I was able to prove to myself that I am not a victim and that I can focus on myself to improve my self-worth. I had dabbled with dating every now and then but ultimately realized I needed to focus on my me, my friends and family and that once I was happy with myself I’d be open to trying dating again.
Fast forward to 2009 when I met my future spouse and am proud to report that I’m a parent of 2 children for whom I can one day be a Thea when they have their first heartbreaks. I couldn’t imagine my life any other way. I thank my exes for helping to make me who I am today. I thought I’d never be able to look back with any feeling other than sadness but not only did I feel neutral about it for the longest time, I actually wish my ex well and all the happiness in the world!
Thanks Anon for sharing your wee story. 15 years ago? That’s like a different lifetime ago isn’t it? Such great steps you took to get over it and move on to a new life all around. Loved the bit about the plane and joining a sports league too. Great suggestions.
That’s the bit I love to see…Not everyone can get to that point but I too reached it many years ago.
Nothing ever happens to us – it happens for us – is something I subscribe to. There’s a gift or a lesson learned in all of our experiences.
Thanks for sharing Anon.
So 2009 I went through a horrible time when my boyfriend wouldn’t commit to a proper relationship and was truly breaking my heart. I was posting on SYBD every other day and sought solace in the words and experience of other members. He truly messed me around and he ended up meeting someone else but still wouldn’t let me go. I tried no contact but I was only ever strong for a couple of days and then would fold. I was drinking far too much, making unhealthy choices physically and mentally and couldn’t see a way forward.
Fast forward to now – we eventually found a way forward. This year we celebrate our second wedding anniversary (this Thursday!) and we have a daughter who is 5 this year. Our biggest issue now – finding school uniform and making sure we keep her fish alive!
We did work out and we are so happy. Our break up and the awful year we had going back and forth doesn’t even feel like us anymore.
Wow that’s an amazing update Mrs Venus.
You are the outliers, I believe. Most people who breakup don’t end up back together for the long term but you guys have!
That’s definitely going to offer a bit of hope for some our readers who are feeling so down lost and hopeless.
Thanks so much for sharing the update and many more happy years to you, your family and the fish.
Thea xo
Great post! Here’s my story. Many years ago, I had a shocker break-up with an ex who was cheating on me – I found out via looking at his mobile phone bills. One number appeared over and over; long calls, short calls. I rang it. It went to a girl’s voicemail and I just *knew*. So essentially I dumped him, but it was no less traumatic. But it was also like this weird awakening for me. Suddenly I realised just how toxic and dysfunctional a partner he’d been. How sad and ‘on-eggshells’ I’d been for the whole of our time together. And although I grieved for how I wish it had been and for what a fuckwit he’d been to me, I eventually felt this enormous sense of freedom and relief. I was set free. He and that girl having the affair actually set me free.
Looking back (I’m married now with a kid) I’m so, so glad for that relationship. It taught me what I wouldn’t put up with and what I really wanted in a partner. It taught me to expect decency and kindness and love, rather than putting up with scraps and thinking that was ok. It was the biggest lesson of my entire life, in many ways. Here’s to getting away from shitty ex-boyfriends, hurrah!
Hey Flopsy
Yeah, I love how no real relationship time is a waste and we often grown and learn from our most challenging ones. As you say you learned what you did/didn’t want to have in a relationship. How you wanted to not walk on egg shells and to make way for a more loving and respectful partner.
Thanks for the post. Am sure it may help some people out there who’ve been cheated on or who are in a more toxic situation to know they’re worth more than that.
Thea xo