When Being Left Turns Out Right
NOTE: If you want you can listen to this post instead of reading it…
If you’ve just landed on SYBD for the first time, I extend a heartfelt welcome to you.
My name’s Thea, the founder of this place. I’ve often exclaimed, “Being dumped was one of the best things that ever happened to me!” But it wasn’t an immediate realisation. On the dreaded D-Day and in the tumultuous weeks and months that followed, I grappled with feelings of shock, hurt, confusion, anger, and a myriad of other overwhelming emotions. At times, I even questioned my will to carry on.
However, with time, introspection, and support, I processed the breakup, healed, and embarked on a brighter chapter. And I believe, deep down, the same transformative journey awaits you.
Breakups Work Out For the Highest Good…
Since launching SYBD over twenty years ago, one profound lesson has crystalised for me: more often than not, breakups lead to a brighter outcome than we can initially envision.
Put simply, the pain of being left behind, in the grand tapestry of life, often unfolds as a blessing, paving the way for growth and new opportunities for both individuals involved.
The resilience of the human spirit shines through as most not only navigate the stormy aftermath of a breakup, but with the passage of time, they truly flourish
Moving On Takes Different Shapes
In general, as time passes, the majority find their way to move on in diverse and beautiful manners. There are countless stories of individuals who never believed they’d find love again, yet they found themselves in new relationships, sometimes leading to starting families.
But ‘moving on’ is a phrase that carries different connotations for different people…
It’s vital to understand that moving on isn’t always about diving into a new relationship. For me, it signifies embracing a life that’s rich and fulfilling in its own right.
Throughout the years on the SYBD blog and our forum, I’ve had the privilege of witnessing countless individuals:
- Embark on entrepreneurial journeys
- Pivot in their careers or adopt new roles
- Pursue further education, from school to university levels
- Set off on global adventures
- Relocate homes, sometimes crossing states, countries, and even continents
- Launch blogs, pen books, create films, produce music
- Dedicate their time to volunteering
- Dive into fresh hobbies or sports
...All of these were born from the transformative power of a breakup.
Having seen innumerable men and women, of all age brackets, plummet to their emotional depths post-breakup, often declaring they’d “never move past it”, it’s been nothing short of heartwarming to watch them do exactly the opposite.
From my vantage point, even today, I’ve observed new partners entering their lives, watched as they made house purchases, celebrated nuptials, attained academic laurels, kicked off creative ventures, expanded their families, and so much more. It’s a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, reminding us how life, in its infinite wisdom, marches on.
How Is Your Life Better After a Breakup?
I’m reaching out to each one of you – especially to those who’ve ever felt that life was falling apart post-breakup – only to later realise that it paved the way for a new beginning.
Whether you were the one who walked away or the one left behind, I want to hear how you transitioned from feeling shattered to discovering a renewed sense of self. It doesn’t have to be a grand tale of triumph. It’s not about bestselling books or high-profile accolades. I’m interested in your authentic journey of how you navigated the phase of “it’s over” to confidently saying you’re “over it”.
I genuinely believe that sharing your experiences will not only be therapeutic for you but can also provide solace and inspiration to someone else grappling with heartbreak. For those currently in the throes of despair, your story might just be the beacon of hope they need.
Both you and I know that they’ll get through it. It’s a matter of when, not if.
With warmth and gratitude,
Thea
P.S.: If this resonates, do consider sharing this post with anyone who has found a silver lining post-breakup. If you’re open to us highlighting your story further, please do let me know.
Other posts you might enjoy reading:
- Need a laugh? Read/Share breakup lines here.
- So You’ve Been Dumped: Now What? Understanding Common Breakup Symptoms
I first found SYBD in 2004 and became a loyal reader due to my first ever break-up and first ever heartbreak. After being dumped, I was absolutely gutted and needed a place to deal with feelings I’d never experienced before. It was a dark time in my life. I can’t believe that was over 15 years ago! I’m happy to be able to share that it truly gets better and that being dumped was one of the best things to happen to me. Let me back up…
I attribute my success to one rule that Thea often talks about – “No contact”. It was one of the hardest things to do at the time, but as hard as it felt, it felt right. “No contact” became my mantra, my way of life, and used the help of breakup buddies to call on instead of making contact. I believe it helped speed up my recovery a lot.
After I stopped feeling sorry for myself, I decided to take even more positive action. I joined a social sports league. I even jumped out of a plane – I’m petrified of heights and by going skydiving I was able to prove to myself that I am not a victim and that I can focus on myself to improve my self-worth. I had dabbled with dating every now and then but ultimately realized I needed to focus on my me, my friends and family and that once I was happy with myself I’d be open to trying dating again.
Fast forward to 2009 when I met my future spouse and am proud to report that I’m a parent of 2 children for whom I can one day be a Thea when they have their first heartbreaks. I couldn’t imagine my life any other way. I thank my exes for helping to make me who I am today. I thought I’d never be able to look back with any feeling other than sadness but not only did I feel neutral about it for the longest time, I actually wish my ex well and all the happiness in the world!
Thanks Anon for sharing your wee story. 15 years ago? That’s like a different lifetime ago isn’t it? Such great steps you took to get over it and move on to a new life all around. Loved the bit about the plane and joining a sports league too. Great suggestions.
That’s the bit I love to see…Not everyone can get to that point but I too reached it many years ago.
Nothing ever happens to us – it happens for us – is something I subscribe to. There’s a gift or a lesson learned in all of our experiences.
Thanks for sharing Anon.
So 2009 I went through a horrible time when my boyfriend wouldn’t commit to a proper relationship and was truly breaking my heart. I was posting on SYBD every other day and sought solace in the words and experience of other members. He truly messed me around and he ended up meeting someone else but still wouldn’t let me go. I tried no contact but I was only ever strong for a couple of days and then would fold. I was drinking far too much, making unhealthy choices physically and mentally and couldn’t see a way forward.
Fast forward to now – we eventually found a way forward. This year we celebrate our second wedding anniversary (this Thursday!) and we have a daughter who is 5 this year. Our biggest issue now – finding school uniform and making sure we keep her fish alive!
We did work out and we are so happy. Our break up and the awful year we had going back and forth doesn’t even feel like us anymore.
Wow that’s an amazing update Mrs Venus.
You are the outliers, I believe. Most people who breakup don’t end up back together for the long term but you guys have!
That’s definitely going to offer a bit of hope for some our readers who are feeling so down lost and hopeless.
Thanks so much for sharing the update and many more happy years to you, your family and the fish.
Thea xo
Great post! Here’s my story. Many years ago, I had a shocker break-up with an ex who was cheating on me – I found out via looking at his mobile phone bills. One number appeared over and over; long calls, short calls. I rang it. It went to a girl’s voicemail and I just *knew*. So essentially I dumped him, but it was no less traumatic. But it was also like this weird awakening for me. Suddenly I realised just how toxic and dysfunctional a partner he’d been. How sad and ‘on-eggshells’ I’d been for the whole of our time together. And although I grieved for how I wish it had been and for what a fuckwit he’d been to me, I eventually felt this enormous sense of freedom and relief. I was set free. He and that girl having the affair actually set me free.
Looking back (I’m married now with a kid) I’m so, so glad for that relationship. It taught me what I wouldn’t put up with and what I really wanted in a partner. It taught me to expect decency and kindness and love, rather than putting up with scraps and thinking that was ok. It was the biggest lesson of my entire life, in many ways. Here’s to getting away from shitty ex-boyfriends, hurrah!
Hey Flopsy
Yeah, I love how no real relationship time is a waste and we often grown and learn from our most challenging ones. As you say you learned what you did/didn’t want to have in a relationship. How you wanted to not walk on egg shells and to make way for a more loving and respectful partner.
Thanks for the post. Am sure it may help some people out there who’ve been cheated on or who are in a more toxic situation to know they’re worth more than that.
Thea xo