ED NOTE: Welcome back to another guest post on SYBD. All guest posts are written by my request and unsolicited submissions won’t be read. Thanks so much and enjoy Rose’s story.
Cast your mind all the waaaay back to 2007, when MySpace was still a place to hang out and be cool, Facebook was the place to go and poke folk and forums to chat with random strangers were the best place for the broken hearted to be.
That’s when my story began.
Picture the scene: my boyfriend called time on our three year relationship by claiming, ‘I don’t want to be in a relationship right now’. And then I found out what he actually meant was ‘I don’t want to be in a relationship right now with YOU…but I do want to be in a relationship with someone else who’s eight years younger and two stones slimmer than you.’
Needless to say, I was massively pissed off. And hurt. And rejected. Etc etc.
“She’s Like a Sister”
Before I found out that my ex wanted to start dating the girl he used to call his ‘little sister (not his actual sister, that would be a whole kind of wrong), I had been living in a little bubble of denial. I thought he just ‘needed time’.
We were “always going to be an important part of each other’s lives” – that’s what he said so it must be true, right?
Finding out that actually, he had swiftly moved on from our three year relationship while I was still at the ‘looking through photos whilst listening to break up music and crying stage’ was quite the kick in the teeth.
Hitting Rock Bottom
One particularly bad night, I googled something along the lines of ‘how to deal with your heart being ripped out of your chest and trampled on’ – and the result was this site!
Logging on, I realised I had found my people. A whole community, ranging in age from teenagers to pensioners, from across the world, from long-term marriages to short lived but intense flings, the result was the same – we had ALL been dumped.
One of my rock bottom points, was finding out, on the first Valentine’s Day after our breakup, that my ex was on a mini break to Paris with his new girl (why is there always one friend who’s suspiciously keen to update you on your ex’s every movement? And ugh, Paris. Total cliche).
Cue many moments of self-doubt and loathing and worries about starting a new chapter in my life.
Because here’s the thing you find out the hard way, when the going gets tough…your friends don’t always want to hear from you (again) at 3am, wondering what’s wrong with you and what’s so good about your replacement.
Learning Lessons on SYBD
Back then I learned some solid and sensible advice – advice I still heed today.
Going no contact (NC) with your ex, if you can achieve it (obvs different in every case) is so important. It saved me and helped me move forward.
Don’t move on with a new love interest until you’re totally ready. Like so many, I ignored this, and it created quite a lot of mess and hurt which I still feel guilty about.
I’d say that it took me four years before I was really ‘over it’ – and by it I don’t mean my ex, I mean the feelings of hurt, shame and inadequacy that I felt as a result of what happened.
Mixed in there were good moments too – like moving to another city, starting a new job, building a new life and being asked out. Little triumphs, big triumphs.
I Got My Own Happy Ending
Then, eventually, I guess on paper I got my “happy ending”. I’m married with two small children and life is good.
But for me, the real “happy ending” is finding my feet and being truly happy with who I am and not trying to find that in others.
I have no bitterness towards my ex and his now wife – a few years ago I even reached out to her and we made our peace. We’ll never be close friends, but I didn’t want to keep carrying a grudge
I hope my story can give some hope to anyone who’s just been left.
Do you have a story to tell?
Any comments for Rose? The line I loved the most was the one about finding her feet and being happy within herself and no looking for it anyone else. Priceless.
Do you have a story to tell? I’d love to hear it. There are a few ways to tell your story.
You can share it one of these posts:
When Being Left Turns Out Right
How When & Where Did Your Relationship End?
Have Something To Say To Your Ex, Say It Here Now