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Guest Post: So I’d Been Duped (By Bottled Cherry)
Great news that So You’ve Been Dumped celebrates its 20th anniversary this year – just one of the awesome things borne of the Millennium.
In the UK, Eminem was top-of-the-pops, Big Brother was the most popular TV show and favourite new-baby names were Chloe and Jack.
Well-known corporates – Aviva, eHarmony and Vistaprint also kicked off in the year 2000.
Hold on… eHarmony? I had no idea that dating sites have been around that long! After my husband and I split up in 2006, blissfully unaware of dating sites, I remember studying the Personal Ads in the Glasgow Herald.
They were so very impersonal with their GSOHs, WLTMs and box numbers – intriguing all the same. I don’t recall the details of the ad, but there was one lonely heart that appealed to me and I bravely arranged a date with the SWM in question. Turns out he wasn’t technically ‘S’ but more of that later…
We arranged to meet at the aptly named Love Cafe in the southside of Glasgow. We had spoken on the ‘phone and I liked his voice. He told me that he was an actor and was just back from doing some work in the Lake District. (My first thought was Emmerdale but that’s Yorkshire.) I remember feeling incredibly nervous and a little bit excited. I drove past the cafe hoping to catch sight of him waiting outside – if he appeared too repellant I would drive on. I nearly drove on…
Our Personals Were More Impersonal
He was wearing a tweed jacket (fine) that was too big for him (not fine). His head was too small. Too small for what I’m not sure, but it just wasn’t entirely in proportion with the rest of him. Not that he was large, He was the same height as me and on the skinny side. He perhaps thought that the oversized jacket would create the impression of broad shoulders. Anyway, he wasn’t totally repellant and I liked his voice, so I parked the car and approached the Cafe of Love.
The coffee must have cast its spell because he fell in love with me more or less instantly. It wasn’t mutual, but he made me laugh and feel special after years of unhappy marriage – we ended up moving in together after 6 months. We laughed a lot, had great sex and were very happy. Sadly, this relationship wasn’t destined to go beyond the honeymoon period. He became very possessive, very needy and, I think, unfaithful.
One Chapter Ends – A New Begins
I had just started a new business (my new love) and didn’t need the emotional angst. I told him it was over and he walked out of our flat. He didn’t come home that night – it was the next morning that he walked through the door telling me that HE was leaving ME and going back to his wife. This was the wife that he hadn’t seen for years but never got round to divorcing. Turns out he was still living with her when we first met. (He wasn’t technically an actor either – he did a bit of extra work for TV but his day job was a sales assistant in Woolworths.)
A Moment of Rage, Then Came Relief
I was furious! Although I really didn’t want him in my life anymore, I felt so angry that he thought he was dumping me! I shouted, cursed and screamed at him as he hurriedly packed a bag and left. I am not a violent person, but I literally threw together all of the things he had left behind, smashing them, kicking them and even breaking a small table. I was incandescent with rage.
Eventually, I stopped, my heart pounding, and burst into tears. I think I slept after that. The next day I was back at work and thankfully felt nothing. I really didn’t care if I never saw him again. He came back to the flat a few times, turned up at my work, wrote me poetry and letters. His wife even messaged me saying how miserable he was, and if only he loved her as much as he loved me…
Who on earth would want a love like that? I felt sorry for her but didn’t reply.
I threw myself into my new business and embraced having the flat to myself – I loved the space and time just to be. Then I remembered the fun I had had with the Personal Ads. By this time I was aware of dating sites and signed up for one – Match, I think – and therein lies another tale. Let’s just say, for now, that I was about to have the best few years of my life.
To be continued…
Have You Ever Been Duped?
Could you related to Bottled Cherry’s story? Have you got a personal story of being duped to tell? Then share it the comments below or feel free to join the SYBD Exchange forum here.
If you’re interested in dating, love, relationships and so forth, you may enjoy checking out our new podcast ‘On a Break’ Podcast with Thea and Christine.