So You’ve Been Stalked

So You’ve Been Stalked: Breaking the Silence on Modern Cyberstalking

Have you ever blocked someone online, only to have them pop back up like a particularly unwelcome game of digital Whac-A-Mole?

New email address. New social media account. New fake name. Same old nonsense.

I used to think the block button was the online equivalent of slamming the door. Click. Gone. Problem solved. If only…

My 10-Year Journey with Online Harassment

For over a decade, I’ve dealt with persistent online harassment from someone who simply would not take the hint.

What began as a few emails to this site, soon escalated into blog comments, social media messages, fake accounts, and unwanted contact reaching my friends, colleagues, and complete strangers.

It’s not just me. There are a whole cast of characters also being harassed by this person.

Stalking isn’t just annoying; it completely alters how you live and work.

To cope with the influx, I had to take drastic measures:

Mass Data Archiving: Documenting hundreds, if not thousands, of harassing messages for legal and safety records.
Digital Lockdowns: Closing long-standing email accounts and eventually blocking an entire country from accessing my websites.
Shutting Down My Platform: In 2017, I reached my absolute limit and shut down So You’ve Been Dumped entirely. While I relaunched it in 2020 for its 20th anniversary, the digital space has never quite felt the same.

When I launched the site in July 2000, the goal was simple: help people get through heartbreak. I never imagined the platform itself would become the reason I needed support as a result of it.

Why Traditional “Blocking” Fails Against Cyberstalkers

What is Cyberstalking? Cyberstalking is the use of the internet, email, or other electronic communications to harass, intimidate, or threaten someone repeatedly. Unlike standard online trolling, cyberstalking is targeted, persistent, and bypasses digital boundaries.

Many victims are told to “just press block.” But for a determined stalker, bypassing a block is treated like a part-time job.

As I’ve quietly mentioned parts of my experience to trusted friends and readers, I’ve been stunned by how many people messaged me to say, “That happened to me too.” Or that they know someone it’s happened to too.

Different circumstances, but the exact same feeling of violation. It is far more common than most people realize.

Introducing the “So You’ve Been Stalked” Series

Because of this overwhelming response, I am launching a new series here on SYBD that’s dedicated to unpacking the realities of modern harassment.

This space is for anyone dealing with:

An ex-partner who refuses to move on
A stranger or acquaintance who has become obsessed
Repeated, unwanted anonymous messages and abuse
The creeping anxiety that someone is watching your every digital move

Moving forward, this series will explore the emotional impact of stalking, practical digital safety steps, expert resources, and survival stories from others.

To protect everyone involved, all identifying details will be strictly changed or omitted.

The System Is Broken (And We Are On Our Own)

One of the most isolating aspects of dealing with persistent online harassment is realizing that the institutions designed to protect us don’t actually care.

When you go to the police or report the behavior to social media platforms, they almost always raise their hands and say it’s not their problem. Tech platforms and ISPs routinely hide behind outdated laws from the mid-1990s to avoid taking accountability for the digital abuse happening on their watch.

The cold truth of modern cyberstalking is that “just clicking block” doesn’t work, and the system won’t save you. There is often literally nothing a victim can do to stop an obsessed individual from fabricating a new digital identity to breach their boundaries. We are forced to become our own tech support, our own investigators, and our own protectors.

The Mental Health Loophole & Campaigning for Change

There is an even more frustrating roadblock that victims face: the mental health loophole. In my case, and in so many others, authorities hesitate to step in because the perpetrator struggles with severe mental illness. The system often treats their condition as a legal shield, effectively deciding that because the stalker is unwell, their actions are untreatable or unpunishable.

But what about the victim? When a stalker’s untreated mental health issues are allowed to run rampant across your digital life, their mental illness directly degrades your mental health. Stalking induces severe trauma, hypervigilance, and anxiety. A perpetrator’s diagnosis should never be used as a free pass to terrorize someone else.

I don’t just want this blog to be a diary of what happened. I want it to be a catalyst for change. The current laws are failing us. In the US, platforms still hide behind Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act—a law written in 1996, long before the era of modern social media and sophisticated cyberstalking tactics. We are starting to see small fractures in the wall, such as the UK’s Online Safety Act 2023 classifying cyberstalking as a priority offence, and the Crime and Policing Act 2026 introducing a “Right to Know” framework to unmask anonymous stalkers. But it’s not enough. We need laws that recognize the profound psychological damage of digital abuse and strip away the bureaucratic excuses that protect abusers over victims.

Join the Community: Share or Support

This blog is a space built by a survivor, for survivors. If you are navigating the exhausting world of cyberstalking, anonymous online abuse, or relentless digital bullying, your voice matters here.

Here is how you can get involved today:

Read the Series

Bookmark this page and follow along as we expose the reality of modern harassment and share practical, real-world survival strategies.

Share Your Story Safely

If you have experienced stalking, harassment, or repeated unwanted contact online, you can share your experience completely anonymously using our secure form. No identifying details are required, and all stories used in the future will be heavily anonymized to protect your privacy and safety.

You can share your story privately here: Share Your Story Safely

Pass It On

If you know a friend, colleague, or loved one who is quietly dealing with an obsessed ex, an anonymous troll, or a persistent digital harasser, send them this post. Let’s break the isolation together.

Useful Resources & Support Links

If you are dealing with online harassment, cyberstalking, or digital abuse, these organizations provide confidential support, legal advice, and safety planning tools:

Action Against Stalking – Based in Scotland (where I am!), a brilliant champion for victims’ rights, providing specialized support and advocating for systemic change.
The National Stalking Helpline (Suzy Lamplugh Trust) – The UK’s leading authority on stalking support, safety advice, and advocating for victims.
VictimConnect Resource Center – A confidential US referral service helping victims of stalking and harassment find local legal and emotional support.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline – Essential resources for tracking digital footprint safety and dealing with obsessed ex-partners.
Paladin National Stalking Advocacy Service – A trauma-informed organization that assists high-risk victims and actively campaigns for systemic legal changes.

Final Thought

Some people break your heart. Others refuse to leave the building, even after you’ve locked all the doors. If you are constantly looking over your digital shoulder, wondering where the next fake account or malicious message will pop up, please hear me:

You are not overreacting. You are not imagining it. And you are no longer facing it alone. Welcome to the group. You’re among friends.